Life is so funny, huh?

Life is funny, the more I think of it.

When I walked through a street for the first time, in a new city I was going to stay in for the next few years, I saw new hopes. Everything that saddened me before, partways and doubts, turns into a thrill to begin a new adventure. I believe in myself so much on the very first seconds  I step on this land. I begin to believe the world can be so beautiful, and the life I am living is enough. What's so bad about life that can make me complain? It is more than enough. 

The funny things come when my new surroundings become my daily views.

Once impressive buildings begin to look dull.
The liveliness in every corner of the city becomes a casual sight.
All hopes that appeared during my first glance at the city flew one by one--disappeared into the thin air.

What am I even doing here?

Looking back on times, I do not have the minimum standard to even begin a life here.

I cannot cook — how can I survive? I find it a huge challenge to befriend strangers. I can not express myself well. I can easily get into conflict. I got a good language test score solely thanks to my lifetime luck. I do not even have a prestigious award with me. I do not even have any wonderful work experience — not much funnier; it is just how my life has been: mediocre. I have no prior successful project. The " F" in my middle name stands for failure, I believe.

Even the thing that I should be proud of does not even impress people — pure trash, I believe they would think.

Who would even be interested in that? Is that even necessary? It isn't even significant to people's lives, lol. What's so WOW? It is not even part of the trend or a highly discussed topic.

Traveling back to the present, I keep seeing myself so far at the bottom without a single clue, while others are up there, consistently climbing the ladder, getting closer to their lights.

Where is the city I once saw full of hope?

All those floating hopes in the city view on my first day have flown far away. I keep getting stuck in the mediocre version — welp, I don't think there is any further update for this one. I see no clear direction for my project — at the moment. I even begin to wonder whether I was accepted out of pity rather than merit. 

Has it ever crossed your mind that a low-achiever would step into a land of successful people?

I have been seeing myself with a blurry future, a smoky present, and a trashy — while trying to be ambitious — project. I wonder, 

Will I even survive?

As I reflect, life is so funny; as soon as I realize, all these crumbles happen within a few weeks.