Wonder, Swindler
Have you ever trapped in a situation where you feel like everything in your life is a scam? Even yourself and every achievements you have achieved are also scams?
You perceive every good things are too good to happen in your life and all are caused by external forces, although some people told you those are rewards from your hard work. Not a mere luck.
It is a truly painful situation, because you cannot even recognize yourself and your true ability.
There are several times I got called as that "multi-talented" kid. Some assume whatever I do will always have good results. I can do anything, they assume. You can be anything you want, they assume.
The "high-achiever" kid. I once got told I have a lucky and happy life because I had never experience failure. I had explain I have experienced one, and got debunked right away because the failure I experienced is NOT as bad, hence, invalid.
What is a failure then? How devastated should I become to make what I consider as failure become valid?
While I am grateful for being called so and proud of myself, at the same time being labeled with those labels pressure me more and more each time. Particularly, when I have to meet new people in life and work with them. The first that always crosses my mind, every single time I get an offer for something good or people entrust me with a massive responsibility, is please do not expect too much from me, what if I cannot meet your expectation? what if I deceive you?
do I really have the talent they thought I have?
will that work, the one you entrust to me, have good results?
can I really achieve that?
are those truly my achievements?
did I achieve them because of my hard work?
or is it planned by someone else to make me happy?
am i a swindler?
what if I actually am?
It saddened me from time to time for having such bad thoughts about myself; lingering inside my mind.
I dislike that idea and I do realize how awful and evil to treat myself that way. However, the reality is, whenever I have a goal I want to pursue, and that goal is not in the same direction as what I was told by others, it always come into a mess. that is a proof that I deceive people, do not I?
Hence, I always think that all previous achievements, in which I achieved because people around me told me to, in which I achieved inside my comfort zone, are all scam. fraud. However you name it. It was all planned. The success was not because of myself, but external forces. It was all luck, not my talent.
who am I?
at this moment, please, do not trust me.
You perceive every good things are too good to happen in your life and all are caused by external forces, although some people told you those are rewards from your hard work. Not a mere luck.
It is a truly painful situation, because you cannot even recognize yourself and your true ability.
There are several times I got called as that "multi-talented" kid. Some assume whatever I do will always have good results. I can do anything, they assume. You can be anything you want, they assume.
The "high-achiever" kid. I once got told I have a lucky and happy life because I had never experience failure. I had explain I have experienced one, and got debunked right away because the failure I experienced is NOT as bad, hence, invalid.
What is a failure then? How devastated should I become to make what I consider as failure become valid?
While I am grateful for being called so and proud of myself, at the same time being labeled with those labels pressure me more and more each time. Particularly, when I have to meet new people in life and work with them. The first that always crosses my mind, every single time I get an offer for something good or people entrust me with a massive responsibility, is please do not expect too much from me, what if I cannot meet your expectation? what if I deceive you?
do I really have the talent they thought I have?
will that work, the one you entrust to me, have good results?
can I really achieve that?
are those truly my achievements?
did I achieve them because of my hard work?
or is it planned by someone else to make me happy?
am i a swindler?
what if I actually am?
It saddened me from time to time for having such bad thoughts about myself; lingering inside my mind.
I dislike that idea and I do realize how awful and evil to treat myself that way. However, the reality is, whenever I have a goal I want to pursue, and that goal is not in the same direction as what I was told by others, it always come into a mess. that is a proof that I deceive people, do not I?
Hence, I always think that all previous achievements, in which I achieved because people around me told me to, in which I achieved inside my comfort zone, are all scam. fraud. However you name it. It was all planned. The success was not because of myself, but external forces. It was all luck, not my talent.
who am I?
at this moment, please, do not trust me.
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