About Leaving and Being Left

Lately, I have witnessed many partings, be they temporary or forever. 

While I know leaving and being left are never easy tasks, I think that is just how the universe tries to seek balance. So, eventually, we will experience both in our lives. 

Some partings are hard, while others might happen without a trace. Some partings are planned, while others are spontaneous. Neither of them is easy to come by.

As someone who decided to leave, I feel like I was left behind at times, too. I've seen how much people can change in less than a month, while I feel I haven't changed at all. While a month can feel long and tough from your perspective, from the outside, changes come rapidly. 

I still remember how, at almost every annual meeting during Eid al-Fitr, some of my long-distance relatives would say, “wah sudah besar aja kamu, nggak kerasa ya (wah, you have grown up so fast).” I used to think it was just small talk to break the ice; it turns out it can be that fast. 

Realising these rapid changes, what haunts me most is, “What if I have no one to return to?” 

And that’s the funny thing about leaving and about humans: the one who decides to leave does not always want to leave. It is not about the place where you once lived, nor about all the assets you left behind, but about the people who would welcome you back. Changes occur not only materially but also psychologically. You might still crave the warmth you once had with those people, but that warmth may have changed. Not because they have lost their comfort with you, but because they may have become accustomed to your absence. 

Conversely, as someone who is also being left, I see leaving as easy. From my perspective, when you leave, you don't need to carry the burden of sadness, because those who leave are going to another place. They are going somewhere new. 

I can recall seeing people leave for places they wanted to go, to pursue their goal, or to begin a new chapter in their lives. 

I can still keep all my memories with them; therefore, I don't think they need to worry about leaving people behind. However, I didn't realise I was forming new habits around their absence. The sadness slowly disappears; sometimes, I can even manage on my own without their help.

And this is the interesting thing about humans—and basically all living beings: we adapt to change, which underpins evolution.

So, what comes after leaving and being left?

Our lives will keep moving. We will adapt. We will change. We will find the new home we can return to. 

In the end, we will be fine, with the fine version of ourselves. 

Leaving and being left are just how the universe seeks balance, even in the microscopic experience of each human being.